Bretheren, from the time I undertook to join the ranks of that part of the animal kingdom known as humanity, which infests a large portion of this planet, the gods have been working against me. But today there was a ray of sunshine.
I was born trash, poor and white (although with a taste for things high of brow, for reasons unknown, and which may be discussed later). I have been forced to labor in this veil of tears for next to nothing, and have been subjected to ridicule and derision from the time I spewed forth from the motherly juices that carried me about for a proper gestation period, until the present. (I know there will be a certain element among my readers who harbor no sympathy, as I live in Venice, and they do not) Although the gods allowed me to attend law school, and through some miracle graduated and passed the bar, I had to go at night among the old and infirm, and owe more in school loans than I can ever repay. But yesterday the gods saw fit to smile upon your humble servant, and placed a 50 Euro note on the ground for me to find.
We had to take a train from Venice to Bologna to meet with a lawyer to see if he could pull enough strings to get Karen citizenship in Italy. Upon our return we left the train, and there on the ground was a funny looking colored piece of paper. Ever the curious one, I looked closer, and for the love of all that is holy, it was a 50 Euro note. For those of you ignorant of the value of such a thing, it is worth about 80 clams U.S. I picked it up. Nobody said anything. I could not tell what poor ignorant SOB and dropped it. So it became the property of your author. At first I felt guilty. Some poor person is now short 50 Euros. I can see him or her blaming their spouse. “I gave it to you.” “No, I aint’t seen it, you so-and-so . . .” Then I thought, to hell with them. What is the great injustice that they, through carelessness, lost it, and I, in my poverty, staring at the ground as the downtrodden are wont to do, have found it? Not only was there no injustice to it, it was justice itself that I should find it. So I took it joyfully, and proceeded home with a little more spring in my step. I subsequently pissed it away on the worst meal we had ever had in Venice, as those cut of my cloth have no propensity to hang onto money or to choose restaurants.
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